Unhappy State (Of Mind)

According to the NYT, a recent study measuring correlations between living conditions and happiness in America found that they’re very strongly linked.  More thoughts on that in a minute.  But an informational byproduct of the study was a ranking of states from most to least happy.

At the bottom of that list?

Let’s just say that Jay-Z and Alicia Keys might not be pleased.

Sure, it’s important to avoid conflating New York City with the state as a whole.  But it does give me an excuse to finally share my photos from September’s week-long visit.

To return to the main point of the study, though, and the article covering it: this journalist dude takes on a strange, pseudo-sarcastic tone in defending New York, and in so doing seems to be talking out of two sides of his mouth: (a) objecting that Poor people in those higher-ranked places can’t really be happy — they must be faking! and (b) defending unhappiness as a catalyst for great artistic achievement.

Let’s take the second point first.  This is actually a pretty common attitude, right?  Haven’t you ever known someone who seems to derive great satisfaction from their misery and solemnity, from complaining about it, or from constantly striving for bigger and better achievements, never satisfied with what they have?

Such attitudes or habits of mind aren’t limited to artists by any means — in fact, all of us fall into similar patterns from time to time.  Even if we don’t particularly like feeling unhappy, we cling to an identity of unhappiness because it seems solid and somehow justifiable.  Or maybe we’re terrified of what might happen if we let go of it.  So we want to analyze it just so, and relate it back to our whole life history, beginning with childhood, etc.

With art, though, or “creativity” more broadly, this normal fascination with unhappiness is particularly easy to rationalize, since part of artistry involves representing human misery faithfully, accurately, and poignantly.

But all I’m saying is, if Michelangelo were a close friend of mine, and he had a choice between finding happiness and creating the Sistine Chapel, I’d encourage him to put away his brushes.

I mean, would we really wish unhappiness on another person — or on ourselves — just so that we could enjoy some good art?

It’s the same flawed logic I laughed about in another study, which implied that being a hostile and unhappy person might be worth it if it increased your longevity.

Mm.

As for Haberman’s first point, being dubious about the poor yet satisfied, here’s how I see it.  His attitude reflects the common American notion that greater material wealth — and its attendant perks — grants us more happiness.  But the quality-of-life measurements used in the study included a wide variety of factors, including “climate, taxes, cost of living, commuting times, crime rates and schools.”

Now, having a lot of money does expand one’s options, meaning that you, an individual, could choose to move to a place like Louisiana (the state ranked highest in happiness) and enjoy its sunshine and other non-monetary advantages.  But simply having a load of money and living in a cold, dismal, rat-race, no-one-knows-their-neighbors and people-spend-half-their-day-in-traffic suburb ain’t gonna cut it.

Similarly, just because a state has a lot of financial wealth doesn’t mean it’s allocating it in ways that boost people’s well-being.  More likely, it’s using it to further enrich the ruling class and imprison huge numbers of people of color.  (Side note: I wonder if prisoners were surveyed for this study?)

The issue that interests me more, though, is why Americans’ happiness is so closely tied to predictable environmental factors of any kind — financial, structural, social, or otherwise.

I wonder whether a Buddhist country, for example, where dominant cultural wisdom might encourage disaggregating happiness from material conditions, would show similarly strong correlations.

Anyhow, The City was my first stop back in the States, and even though I find it stressful and would never want to live there myself, it sure was pretty to look at for a week in early autumn.

Enjoy the photos, folks, and be happy.

Pillow Talk, Pillow Action

Goodness gracious, people. A lot has happened for me since September. In college towns, big cities, and on tropical islands. With old friends, new friends, mentors, lovers, family, and the lifelong “domestic partner.” Painting bedrooms, taking walks, cooking soup, learning stick-shift, finding a twin spirit in my high school crush, getting (a) into art school and (b) certified in scuba diving. Another 10-day Vipassana course (this one in North Fork, California). Sleeping on the streets of San Francisco. Living and working in a street ministry. And all the while, continuing to open, open, open up.

Part of me feels like apologizing, and trying to atone for the extended absence by crafting some sort of meaningful, powerful narrative about the last three or four months. (Autumn. Wow. All of autumn.) The most insightful insights, the most surprising surprises, the most splendid splendors. But instead, in classic Kloncking fashion, I think it’s best to begin with the tangible. And colorful. And close to home. Less talk, more action.

I bought these gorgeous fabrics this summer, from a very kind, friendly shopkeeper near my flat in Barcelona. When my folks came out to visit me, my mom and I decided we’d use them for a pillowcase project. She taught me how to do it while I was home for Thanksgiving. Specifically, how to add on the invisible zippers. (Invisible yet pink! Ha!)

I wish I had thought to take some pictures during the sewing process because the best part of all was watching my mother as she modeled the stitching for me, guiding the fabric through the electric machine with such rhythm and confidence and obvious pleasure. Sewing was one of her main hobbies for most of her life — she made, mended and/or altered much of her own clothing. Her mother (my Oma) was a factory seamstress, too. So mama certainly knows her way around a Singer, even though hers mostly lies dormant these days.

It was beautiful to witness her work — like watching a cheery old former minor-league shortstop play catch with his grandkids. Graceful muscle memory. Alacrity. Plus, she’s an excellent teacher for a novice like me. I’m quite proud of our results.

It’s good to be back, friends!  Hope you’re well.  More to come.  Ps: many thanks to Kyle, who unknowingly gave me the push I needed to get this thing going again.  De-lurking in person is even more fabulous.

To Zion

A few times lately, in conversation, I’ve mentioned that in my opinion Lauryn Hill is one of the greatest artists of our time.  The story of her life is complex and sad in many ways — reflecting so much personal torment, as well as the dehumanizing commodification that saturates popular commercial arts — but one thing is clear: rare is the musician who combines such virtuosic technical ability with such profound emotional expression.  For me, she’s right up there with Miles Davis, with Stevie Wonder, with the best of them.

Here’s one of my favorites.  Enjoy, and enjoy the weekend — see y’all on Monday!

Friends, Meet “Advance The Struggle”

Advance The Struggle: Bay Area Radical Perspectives

Last night was a night of dealing with domestic abuse.  (A friend of a friend.)  So today I’m tired and needing some solitude, reading, and yoga.  But I wanted to share real quick this inspiring website, Advance The Struggle, which my friend Ryan, from San Francisco, was kind enough to introduce to me here.

Click here for pamphlet
Click here for pamphlet

The blog focuses on marxist politics — analysis and praxis — in a thoughtful, energetic, well-balanced way.  And this pamphlet they produced (worth viewing as a PDF, if you can, for all the stunning artwork), is a great place to start: an insightful commentary on the radical organizing vacuum following the police murder of Oscar Grant back in January.  Follow it up with the response article by Bring The Ruckus, super useful, in my opinion, for adding the concept of “strategic and lasting” institutions, or “dual power.”  Selma James’ 1975 essay, “Sex, Race and Class,” reprinted in full, is another good read.  And of course, don’t forget to check out the comments on the posts — there’s fruitful discussion in there, too.

I’ll share my own thoughts and responses tomorrow, or when I’m feeling up to it.  Maybe link it to Glenn Greenwald’s must-read rundown of the CIA’s 2004 Inspector General Report, recently released, on the U.S. torture of suspected terrorists. Meantime, if you’re feeling what they’re saying on A/S, click and comment allá!

Take care, y’all.

love,

katie

Spanish Guitar

As seen here.

The clip below isn’t my favorite of the pieces he played (“he” being world-renowned arranger, composer, performer, and producer specializing in flamenco, Pedro Javier González), but it gives you a sense: the man’s got fingers that could double-knot the shoelaces on a grasshopper. His quiet confidence and steady, un-showy calm, understated yet not at all mechanical, gave both sincerity and depth to the twelve songs in the set — which lasted over an hour but seemed to finish almost as soon as it began.

It was the kind of concert that feels more like one half of a first date. Through the music, he introduces himself, shares his interests, shows his sense of humor, tells a little about his past, allows pauses for reflection, and keeps returning to the warm question, shaped by empty space: So, how about you?

Enjoy, friends, and have a glorious weekend. See you next week!

Fast Making History

Quickly, since it’s been on my mind, I just want to give a nod to two very different but equally historic and fascinating stories in world-class running.

First, of course, there’s Bolt — and his two record-breaking times, including the 9.58 seconds that blew history’s last best 100-meter run completely out of the water. Unbelievable.

bolt

But this week in running, there’s “unbelievable,” and then there’s “unbelievable.”

Hence the story of another winner, 18-year-old Caster Semenya.  An unknown who exploded to World Championship victory in the women’s 800-meter race, Semenya’s legitimacy as a competitor is now under investigation.

What sort of investigation?

“Gender testing.”

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Caj Chai and Café Politics

Since a friend of a friend turned me on to it way back in February, I’ve had many memorable and lucid moments in this place, my favorite little tea joint in Barcelona.

The name, I think, basically means “Tea Tea”: “Čaj” in Croatian (?) and “Chai” in Hindi.  Staffed by Spaniards, Argentinians, Americans, and others; furnished with lovely old mis-matched chairs and tiny lamps; and offering teas from China, Japan, Korea, India, Nepal, Morocco, South Africa, Argentina, etc., it’s the kind of eclectic den whose global-grab-bag spirit might give off a bad vibe (hello, appropriation)…if it weren’t for the genuine sense of goodwill infusing the space as a whole.  Cozy, welcoming, unpretentious, filled with music (from Oumou to ‘Trane and folks I don’t recognize), and featuring stunning work by local artists on the walls.  Sort of embarrassingly similar to the kind of spots I like to frequent back in the States.  But hey, that’s where I’m at, for now.

DSCN3622
DSCN3623

The feeling of being here reminds me of the feeling I get speaking English with a new friend in Spain or France or, better yet, India.  The legacy of imperialism, colonialism, and linguistic hegemony makes me sad.  But I’m also grateful to be able to connect with people through a shared language.  Especially when spoken with love.

On the other hand, no matter how charming these nooks appear, or how much camaraderie they harbor (wealthy shade-seeking tourists mixing with local homeless dudes reading Shelley in Castellano), there’s still the question of their origin in other people’s labor.  Who grows and picks the tea we enjoy here?  Who cuts the cane to make the sugar?  What are their lives like?

I don’t know how much of the stock at Caj Chai is fair-trade.  Next time I go, I think I’ll ask.  But even though the Fair-Trade label is somewhat reassuring, it’s no absolute guarantee.  Besides, along with “Certified Organic,” here in BCN as in cosmopolitan USA, it’s become something like a fashion-designer label.  And we all know fashions aren’t made to last.

There’s a lot to consider about our everyday places.  Even when we’re not (as I happened to be, the day I took these photos) reading up on the life of Gandhi.  :)

A sweet little informal library, with books in Spanish, English, and a few in German.  Most of the books I brought from the States have found a new home here.
A sweet little informal library, with books in Spanish, English, and a few in German. Most of the books I brought from the States have found a new home here.
I love this installation -- painted directly on the walls, and the mosaic pieces hung to complete the faces.
I love this installation -- painted directly on the walls, and the mosaic pieces hung to complete the faces.
Iced green tea with a mint sprig the size of a sapling. Little bowl of candied ginger. Gandhi's autibiography, "My Experiments With Truth." A sparkling afternoon.
Iced green tea with a mint sprig the size of a sapling. Little bowl of candied ginger. Gandhi's autobiography, "My Experiments With Truth."

DIY “Acceptance Speech”

The tradition of the acceptance speech appeals to me for a few reasons.  It happens in the context of community — a community honoring the achievements of its members.  Often it inspires others to persevere through their own challenges, knowing that someone else managed to overcome great obstacles or do something extraordinary.  And most of all, acceptance speeches are about gratitude.  Expressing gratitude to everyone who contributed to what, superficially, might seem like an individual feat, but is actually the culmination of much effort by many people. (And by greater powers, if that’s how you feel about it.)

Given the loveliness of this tradition, I don’t see why it should be limited to celebrities.  Or, even, like, “winners” in the traditional sense.  Don’t need to tally votes to know that every day, ordinary people like you and me do good things with the help of others.  So why not give ourselves, and them, a little recognition?  Why not deliver our own mundane acceptance speeches?

I thought about this a lot back in the spring, when I was feeling particularly grateful for a phenomenon that honorees often mention in this oratory ritual: “being where I am today.”  I started thinking of all the people without whose help I could never have reached Spain, and the meditation center that radically transformed the quality of my life.

I thought of these people, and then I started writing to them.

Here, transcribed from my notebook, is one of the first letters in my multi-phase acceptance speech.  To Canadian author Alice Munro, whose short stories quite literally changed my life.  Obviously, it doesn’t matter whether or not the letter actually reaches the intended recipient — I had a hell of a time trying to dig up a mailing address for this notoriously reclusive writer, and six months later my lovingly hand-stamped envelope is probably still floating around in the UK postal system.  But the main point of the practice is the intention.

So, friends, do me this favor: take the concept and run with it.  Reach out to somebody who’s helped you achieve something wonderful.  (And yes, I guarantee that you have achieved something wonderful in the last year. ;) )  In a letter, in a Facebook post, in a phone call, over coffee.  Just try it.  You might like it.  Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

* * * * * * * * * * *

15 March, 2009

Dear Ms. Munro,

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Black Girl Dancing Alone

Today, at the park near Notre Dame, I was the only one dancing.

It’s true.

The young-white-guy jazz players, with smiles like jukebox pages flip-flapping between smugness and delight, asked so nicely.  Get up from the benches, everyone.  Get up and dance.

And the boy next to me put down his sandwich (from the Subway by the Seine) and stood alongside me for the first couple minutes, clapping.  But somewhere along the way, he disappeared.

And that was it.  The drummer kept soliciting; I gestured to people to join in; but no one budged from behind their cameras.  Taking pictures, video.  Two months from now, finally getting around to uploading their vacation photos, they’ll rediscover these and say, “Oh, darling, remember that jazz band?  They were so talented.”

What does it mean when a plaza full of people who are free to dance, free to engage with real people playing music, cannot bring themselves to participate?

And why was I so acutely aware of this freedom as freedom?

Nowhere have I felt my Blackness so self-consciously as here in Paris.  Maybe that’s why dancing today, 15 minutes of white gaze on my sore-thumb body, felt like I was just barely getting away with something.  Almost an act of defiance.  These things start small, you know?

As usual, Toni Morrison’s got something deep to say about all this.  Why art (literature) requires both solitude — the ability to dance alone — and community — an environment safe enough to dance at all.  And why we have to secure these conditions for art to go on living.

Please, let’s dance when we can.  And let’s ensure that everyone else can, too.

From the National Book Foundation website, her 1996 acceptance speech for a National Book Award.

*  * * * * * * * * *

Toni Morrison
Winner of the 1996
DISTINGUISHED CONTRIBUTION TO AMERICAN LETTERS AWARD
The Dancing Mind
November 6, 1996

Book jacket designed by Carol Devine Carson; photo © Helen Marcus.

There is a certain kind of peace that is not merely the absence of war. It is larger than that. The peace I am thinking of is not at the mercy of history’s rule, nor is it a passive surrender to the status quo. The peace I am thinking of is the dance of an open mind when it engages another equally open one–an activity that occurs most naturally, most often in the reading/writing world we live in. Accessible as it is, this particular kind of peace warrants vigilance. The peril it faces comes not from the computers and information highways that raise alarm among book readers, but from unrecognized, more sinister quarters.

I want to tell two little stories– anecdotes really–that circle each other in my mind. They are disparate, unrelated anecdotes with more to distinguish each one from the other than similarities, but they are connected for me in a way that I hope to make clear.

The first I heard third or fourth-hand, and although I can’t vouch for its accuracy, I do have personal knowledge of situations exactly like it. A student at a very very prestigious university said that it was in graduate school while working on his Ph.D. that he had to teach himself a skill he had never learned. He had grown up in an affluent community with very concerned and caring parents. He said that his whole life had been filled with carefully selected activities: educational, cultural, athletic. Every waking hour was filled with events to enhance his life. Can you see him? Captain of his team. Member of the Theatre Club. A Latin Prize winner. Going on vacations designed for pleasure and meaningfulness; on fascinating and educational trips and tours; attending excellent camps along with equally highly motivated peers. He gets the best grades, is a permanent fixture on the honor roll, gets into several of the best universities, graduates, goes on to get a master’s degree, and now is enrolled in a Ph.D. program at this first-rate university. And it is there that (at last, but fortunately) he discovers his disability: in all those years he had never learned to sit in a room by himself and read for four hours and have those four hours followed by another four without any companionship but his own mind. He said it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he taught himself, forced himself to be alone with a book he was not assigned to read, a book on which there was no test. He forced himself to be alone without the comfort of disturbance of telephone, radio, television. To his credit, he learned this habit, this skill, that once was part of any literate young person’s life.

Toni Morrison receiving the Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters at the 1996 National Book Awards. Photo: Robin Platzer.

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